This really resonated with me, thank you for sharing. My father passed when I was young - I still remember when I overheard someone imply that it was a matter of willpower. It wasn't of ill intent but it was so at odds with my experience - it devastated me to hear it summarized so trivially.
For 2026 I want to let go of my constant rumination, I oscillate between health paranoia and fantasizing about paths not travelled. Both prevent me from living my life fully. I have accepted that I'm predisposed to this kind of thinking but I want to spend less time on it. Letting go of the thoughts sooner than I have in the past.
Gah!! This infuriates me so much to hear. There are so many books floating around about this topic, so much in the public sphere, and I don't know where it all came from. Disease is disease is disease. No one caused this. You can't think your way out of it. It has nothing to do with willpower at all.
Thank you so much for sharing! And I love those goals.
Louise - Swimming in the ocean under warm sunshine has a way of waking me up to life, no matter how heavy my circumstances feel. The salt water, the rhythm of the waves, and the sun on my skin pulls me out of my worries and back into my body, reminding me that I'm alive right now. Even for a few moments, the vastness of the ocean puts problems into perspective and replaces fear or fatigue with gratitude, strength, and a quiet sense of joy. Wishing you more good swims and a Blessed New Year.
Getting to a point where you can no longer lie to yourself….a possible definition of enlightenment or nirvana….
And the whole “not believing enough”….please learn (as you no doubt are) some comments are meant to go in one ear and out the next…without reaching the brain or heart…❤️
Well, I’m back with a second post in response to your last post after praying and meditating. I use my spa twice a day, once in the morning and again before I go to sleep, to connect with God and ask for His guidance. I have been praying for your well-being and for you to overcome cancer ever since I learned about it.
I have been deeply moved by your words and the way you have been sharing your journey – the honesty, the depth, and the remarkable light you carry through your day-to-day life. I know you’ve been through unimaginable physical changes, and you have every right to grieve the past version of yourself: “I lost a version of my physical beauty.”
That loss is real, and I’m sorry and saddened that you must carry it. At the same time, when I read your writing and see the Substack version of your current self, what strikes me most is how incredibly beautiful you are – not in spite of what’s happened, but because of the quiet strength, grace, and radiant spirit that shine through so clearly. It’s the kind of beauty that doesn’t fade with changes on the outside; it deepens. I can see you still light up the space around you, and that moves me.
I guess it doesn’t help to call someone an “immature fetus.” I apologize for commenting on the person who made such a clueless remark about your ability to fix your situation. As you say, "a disease is a disease, is a disease."
That person's perspective really irked me and hit a nerve. My father wasn’t the nicest person in the world, not even close. When tumors paralyzed my mom, my father would drag her around the house and say, “If you don’t use them, you lose them,” implying it was my mom’s fault for her cancer situation and for not being able to walk.
It was so vile, but I didn’t think I could do anything as a kid. When I tried, I would get thrown out of the house and would live on a park bench for a few days. But that Brooklyn kid in me still exists. You can take the kid out of Brooklyn, but you can’t always take Brooklyn out of the kid. It’s a part of me I try so hard to hide, but it often comes out as a gut reaction when I see something so wrong, so nasty, and so unforgivable. The comment made about you was despicable.
Well, while I was praying to God about you today, I asked God to help you always recognize how truly special and beautiful you are. God agrees : )
Anyway, rambling. Sending you so much care and warmth. Like you say and my mom used to say, sweet dreams - when you get there. Stay cool and have a wonderful time bringing in the new year. You deserve an unbelievably happy and positive 2026! Peace: )
Well, I’m past my morning coffee and getting ready to soak and meditate in my hot tub : ) Just know I may respond to this post twice. I went through your post so quickly that I haven’t had time to fully absorb and comprehend it, but a few things hit home almost instantly:
One, the absurd statement about you that a know-nothing person told your mom, saying, “You don’t believe enough.” FYI, I also quickly watched “The Egg” video. The person who made this statement to you is a human, not God. That person is an “immature fetus,” and that’s being kind. Why spiral into a dark existential state over comments from an immature human fetus who appears not to have a spiritual bone in his/her body? This person might even be religious. People don’t realize that religion and religious beliefs have NOTHING to do with true spiritual understanding and existence.
Please watch “The Egg” video again and again... I would say that > 80% (likely even higher) is precisely what I experienced during my out-of-body experience with God. No family was waiting. Jesus wasn’t there either, so I don’t want to be blasphemous, but God didn’t bring up Jesus even once, except to quote the Bible. He said that the Bible was somewhat accurate but could sometimes be out of context because of human interpretation.
I believe God showed Himself (though God’s not a “Himself” or “Herself”). God’s an infinite spirit. “The Egg” is giving me continued clarity and reassurance that I’m not insane, as some immature humans (nimrods) often say and judge me for.
You’re the only person I’ve ever shared this with because I think you might understand and acknowledge it as a spiritual reality rather than insanity. As in “The Egg,” God represented Himself to me in a way I would best appreciate, value, and learn from “Him.” God was in spirit form, but a much larger spirit than I was – by far. Brace yourself, but the God I was talking to told me He had limitations, too – there was a glass ceiling for Him. He was my spiritual dad. I was His son, but others like Him were even more mature than He was, as outlined in the video.
Okay, another barn-burner I’ve never told anyone about, but now you. I believe I was on the brink of transforming or entering another life. My next life was that of a southern military veteran, and I’m not sure whether I was meant to be born again or transformed into an existing life, a human already living. I never fully understood what was happening. Was I getting a preview of what my life would be like, or was I entering an existing body?
The most entertaining, remarkable, and unexplainable thing was that I had an authentic southern drawl for weeks after my coma. People honestly thought I had lost my mind, and the drawl only confirmed it. I was quickly sucked back into my current life and told by God to finish my spiritual bucket lists. Except for one, my spiritual bucket lists have been completed: focus on energy efficiency to help resolve climate change, stop talking and actually DO activities and projects to support, grow, and make underserved people and communities successful, make every effort to create equity in education…
So, now tying into my last bucket list item and goal for 2026: a significant focus on and support for ending food insecurity, at least in the US. It’s absurd that there are billionaires – soon to be trillionaires – and public servants and politicians worth hundreds of millions, while 20% of children in the US don’t know where their next meal is coming from. The outrageously rich should be held accountable for doing nothing, and they ultimately will when their human lives end. They’re destined to live as lost souls, wandering endlessly until they figure out and vow to correct their mistakes.
So, in 2026, I’m so close to working on a food project through an affiliation with a very cool and spiritually enlightened A-list celebrity. It’s my bucket-list concept, and I’m trying to link at least 300 locations across the US to this food-and-business operation. If successful, I will make money, and this celebrity will become a billionaire, probably a few times over. There’s nothing wrong with making money – goodwill is good business. But I’m going to take much less than half of the profits and redirect all those funds into resolving food insecurity.
Well, have to go - getting close to my noon hot tub experience and meditation. Please remember that life and everything in it are “such a good vibration, such a sweet sensation.” Can you feel it? Smile, laugh, and ignore/purge people and thoughts that try to bring you and your spirit down. Purge them from your life and purge any negative thoughts – as God does. Think of all the shxt God has to see in the world, but He’s the coolest, most positive infinite spirit. Be like God, as “The Egg” suggests.
Life is too short to be miserable or to put you in a dark, existential spiral. God wants you happy, laughing, enjoying your life, and helping people – because we’re all a part of this (our) universe. K, gotta go – my hot tub is waiting : ) Happy Sunday and stay cool! Peace
This really resonated with me, thank you for sharing. My father passed when I was young - I still remember when I overheard someone imply that it was a matter of willpower. It wasn't of ill intent but it was so at odds with my experience - it devastated me to hear it summarized so trivially.
For 2026 I want to let go of my constant rumination, I oscillate between health paranoia and fantasizing about paths not travelled. Both prevent me from living my life fully. I have accepted that I'm predisposed to this kind of thinking but I want to spend less time on it. Letting go of the thoughts sooner than I have in the past.
Gah!! This infuriates me so much to hear. There are so many books floating around about this topic, so much in the public sphere, and I don't know where it all came from. Disease is disease is disease. No one caused this. You can't think your way out of it. It has nothing to do with willpower at all.
Thank you so much for sharing! And I love those goals.
Louise - Swimming in the ocean under warm sunshine has a way of waking me up to life, no matter how heavy my circumstances feel. The salt water, the rhythm of the waves, and the sun on my skin pulls me out of my worries and back into my body, reminding me that I'm alive right now. Even for a few moments, the vastness of the ocean puts problems into perspective and replaces fear or fatigue with gratitude, strength, and a quiet sense of joy. Wishing you more good swims and a Blessed New Year.
Getting to a point where you can no longer lie to yourself….a possible definition of enlightenment or nirvana….
And the whole “not believing enough”….please learn (as you no doubt are) some comments are meant to go in one ear and out the next…without reaching the brain or heart…❤️
Well, I’m back with a second post in response to your last post after praying and meditating. I use my spa twice a day, once in the morning and again before I go to sleep, to connect with God and ask for His guidance. I have been praying for your well-being and for you to overcome cancer ever since I learned about it.
I have been deeply moved by your words and the way you have been sharing your journey – the honesty, the depth, and the remarkable light you carry through your day-to-day life. I know you’ve been through unimaginable physical changes, and you have every right to grieve the past version of yourself: “I lost a version of my physical beauty.”
That loss is real, and I’m sorry and saddened that you must carry it. At the same time, when I read your writing and see the Substack version of your current self, what strikes me most is how incredibly beautiful you are – not in spite of what’s happened, but because of the quiet strength, grace, and radiant spirit that shine through so clearly. It’s the kind of beauty that doesn’t fade with changes on the outside; it deepens. I can see you still light up the space around you, and that moves me.
I guess it doesn’t help to call someone an “immature fetus.” I apologize for commenting on the person who made such a clueless remark about your ability to fix your situation. As you say, "a disease is a disease, is a disease."
That person's perspective really irked me and hit a nerve. My father wasn’t the nicest person in the world, not even close. When tumors paralyzed my mom, my father would drag her around the house and say, “If you don’t use them, you lose them,” implying it was my mom’s fault for her cancer situation and for not being able to walk.
It was so vile, but I didn’t think I could do anything as a kid. When I tried, I would get thrown out of the house and would live on a park bench for a few days. But that Brooklyn kid in me still exists. You can take the kid out of Brooklyn, but you can’t always take Brooklyn out of the kid. It’s a part of me I try so hard to hide, but it often comes out as a gut reaction when I see something so wrong, so nasty, and so unforgivable. The comment made about you was despicable.
Well, while I was praying to God about you today, I asked God to help you always recognize how truly special and beautiful you are. God agrees : )
Anyway, rambling. Sending you so much care and warmth. Like you say and my mom used to say, sweet dreams - when you get there. Stay cool and have a wonderful time bringing in the new year. You deserve an unbelievably happy and positive 2026! Peace: )
Well, I’m past my morning coffee and getting ready to soak and meditate in my hot tub : ) Just know I may respond to this post twice. I went through your post so quickly that I haven’t had time to fully absorb and comprehend it, but a few things hit home almost instantly:
One, the absurd statement about you that a know-nothing person told your mom, saying, “You don’t believe enough.” FYI, I also quickly watched “The Egg” video. The person who made this statement to you is a human, not God. That person is an “immature fetus,” and that’s being kind. Why spiral into a dark existential state over comments from an immature human fetus who appears not to have a spiritual bone in his/her body? This person might even be religious. People don’t realize that religion and religious beliefs have NOTHING to do with true spiritual understanding and existence.
Please watch “The Egg” video again and again... I would say that > 80% (likely even higher) is precisely what I experienced during my out-of-body experience with God. No family was waiting. Jesus wasn’t there either, so I don’t want to be blasphemous, but God didn’t bring up Jesus even once, except to quote the Bible. He said that the Bible was somewhat accurate but could sometimes be out of context because of human interpretation.
I believe God showed Himself (though God’s not a “Himself” or “Herself”). God’s an infinite spirit. “The Egg” is giving me continued clarity and reassurance that I’m not insane, as some immature humans (nimrods) often say and judge me for.
You’re the only person I’ve ever shared this with because I think you might understand and acknowledge it as a spiritual reality rather than insanity. As in “The Egg,” God represented Himself to me in a way I would best appreciate, value, and learn from “Him.” God was in spirit form, but a much larger spirit than I was – by far. Brace yourself, but the God I was talking to told me He had limitations, too – there was a glass ceiling for Him. He was my spiritual dad. I was His son, but others like Him were even more mature than He was, as outlined in the video.
Okay, another barn-burner I’ve never told anyone about, but now you. I believe I was on the brink of transforming or entering another life. My next life was that of a southern military veteran, and I’m not sure whether I was meant to be born again or transformed into an existing life, a human already living. I never fully understood what was happening. Was I getting a preview of what my life would be like, or was I entering an existing body?
The most entertaining, remarkable, and unexplainable thing was that I had an authentic southern drawl for weeks after my coma. People honestly thought I had lost my mind, and the drawl only confirmed it. I was quickly sucked back into my current life and told by God to finish my spiritual bucket lists. Except for one, my spiritual bucket lists have been completed: focus on energy efficiency to help resolve climate change, stop talking and actually DO activities and projects to support, grow, and make underserved people and communities successful, make every effort to create equity in education…
So, now tying into my last bucket list item and goal for 2026: a significant focus on and support for ending food insecurity, at least in the US. It’s absurd that there are billionaires – soon to be trillionaires – and public servants and politicians worth hundreds of millions, while 20% of children in the US don’t know where their next meal is coming from. The outrageously rich should be held accountable for doing nothing, and they ultimately will when their human lives end. They’re destined to live as lost souls, wandering endlessly until they figure out and vow to correct their mistakes.
So, in 2026, I’m so close to working on a food project through an affiliation with a very cool and spiritually enlightened A-list celebrity. It’s my bucket-list concept, and I’m trying to link at least 300 locations across the US to this food-and-business operation. If successful, I will make money, and this celebrity will become a billionaire, probably a few times over. There’s nothing wrong with making money – goodwill is good business. But I’m going to take much less than half of the profits and redirect all those funds into resolving food insecurity.
Well, have to go - getting close to my noon hot tub experience and meditation. Please remember that life and everything in it are “such a good vibration, such a sweet sensation.” Can you feel it? Smile, laugh, and ignore/purge people and thoughts that try to bring you and your spirit down. Purge them from your life and purge any negative thoughts – as God does. Think of all the shxt God has to see in the world, but He’s the coolest, most positive infinite spirit. Be like God, as “The Egg” suggests.
Life is too short to be miserable or to put you in a dark, existential spiral. God wants you happy, laughing, enjoying your life, and helping people – because we’re all a part of this (our) universe. K, gotta go – my hot tub is waiting : ) Happy Sunday and stay cool! Peace